Monday, October 19, 2009

Best Comment Ever

Blog comments are like precious gems to polished and admired. Truly such eloquence has seldom been seen before, nor likely will be seen again, in the English language.


Conservative Second said...

I wish I didn't have to write a letter like this one, but recent events leave me no choice. Let me make clear what is foremost on my mind and what the focus of this letter will be: if I said that we should avoid personal responsibility, I'd be a liar. But I'd be being thoroughly honest if I said that we should analyze WMU College Republicans's opinions in the manner of sociological studies of mass communication and persuasion. (Goodness knows, our elected officials aren't going to.) WMU College Republicans truly believes that advertising is the most veridical form of human communication. I hope you realize that that's just a pea-brained pipe dream from a bumptious pipe and that in the real world, WMU College Republicans's proxies are merely ciphers. WMU College Republicans is the one who decides whether or not to do exactly the things it accuses uncontrollable dipsomaniacs of doing. WMU College Republicans is the one who gives out the orders to protect undeserved privilege. And WMU College Republicans is the one trying to conceal how all it really wants is to hang onto the perks it's getting from the system. That's all it really cares about.

Personally, I don't expect WMU College Republicans to give up its crusade to make excessive use of foul language, but we'll see. WMU College Republicans is more dangerous than other annoying misers because the spoiled, pampered offspring of the cosseted upper class actually believe WMU College Republicans when it says that ebola, AIDS, mad-cow disease, and the hantavirus were intentionally bioengineered by tactless egotists for the purpose of population reduction. I cannot believe how many actual, physical, breathing, thinking people have fallen for WMU College Republicans's subterfuge. I'm entirely stunned. In a previous letter, I announced my intention to confront and reject all manifestations of adversarialism. Naturally, this announcement caused WMU College Republicans to mutter abuses befitting its character. Incidents like that truly demonstrate how the world is suffering from its lack of faith in a transcendental truth. That concept can be extended, mutatis mutandis, to the way that WMU College Republicans's true goal is to arrest and detain its enemies indefinitely without charge, without trial, and without access to legal counsel. All the statements that its thralls make to justify or downplay that goal are only apologetics; they do nothing to upbraid WMU College Republicans for being so judgmental.

WMU College Republicans claims that all minorities are poor, stupid ghetto trash. Well, I beg to differ. Should this be discussed in school? You bet. That's the function of education: To teach students how to establish a supportive—rather than an intimidating—atmosphere for offering public comment. WMU College Republicans's harangues will have consequences—very serious consequences. We ought to begin doing something about that. We ought to express our concerns about WMU College Republicans's flippant reportages. We ought to spread the word that I have a dream that my children will be able to live in a world filled with open spaces and beautiful wilderness—not in a dark, self-deceiving world run by ultra-unctuous caitiffs. Anyhow, I guess I've run out of things to say, so let me just leave you with one parting wish: Together, may we condemn—without hesitation, without remorse—all those who erode constitutional principles that have shaped our society and remain at the core of our freedom and liberty.

October 13, 2009 7:35 AM

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